This is not a technical post; this is something that I have been going through, in life right now. A few months ago, when I left my first job (another time, another post ), I had a plan. I wanted to take few months off and work on my technical knowledge and write amazing software and get a lot of learning out of my little sabbatical.

But I was not able to do that for a few reasons, primo being I had to move homes in Bangalore because my brother got transferred, so the savings that I had set aside wouldn’t be enough. This was not the end. When it rains, it pours apparently. My dad got super sick, he had a growth near his kidney which the doctors diagnosed as cancer. I got really scared with the situation I was going through. The thing about your parents is that no matter how much you fight with them or how much they “control” you; at the end of the day the thought of losing them can scare the hell out of you. For me, they are my biggest support system so I was not scared, I was terrified.

I gave it a really deep thought and took a call. I needed to find a job. The sabbatical could wait. I started applying to companies and talking to people if they needed extra hand at work. One piece of advice – never leave a job unless you have another in hand. Luckily, I had my small pot of gold, savings, so even in this phase I was sustaining myself. Yes, savings are real and you should have a sufficient amount at any given point of your life. This helps you to take the hard decisions and also to think independently (what Jason calls F*ck you money).

It still feels like a nightmare to me. I use to feel that I will wake up and it will all be over. Reality check; it wasn’t a dream so I have to live with it and make efforts to overcome this situation.

Taking up a job for me was important for two reasons,

1. I have to sustain myself
2. I need to have a back up in case my dad needs something (I also have super amazing siblings who were doing the same)

I realised one thing about prayer and God; yes, I believe in God, and I don’t know if prayer works but you definitely get the strength to face your problems and the unknown. I use to call my dad regularly asking how he was doing and some days he could not speak all that much and he use to talk in his weak tone. I use to cry. I was in so much pain although it was not physical or visible. And then, I would cry again.

But tough times teach you a lot, it shows you real friends, it shows you the people you care for and as Calvin’s dad would have said, “It build character!”. I have been through bad times before and the thing about time is , “It changes!”. I knew someday this bad time I am going through will change. Either the agony I am going through will reduce or I will get used to it.

So as I was giving interviews within a month of me moving on from my old job, I was offered one at Clootrack. I like the people who interviewed me and I like that ideas they have been working on. But I have seen people change and I have gone through a bad experiences and at no point of time did I want to repeat past mistakes, so I did a thorough background check before I said yes to them. I got a really good response so here I am working with them.

The accommodation problem that I had was my brother was shifting out of his quarters and I used to live with him. Well, I helped him pack and I still remember the time when I was bidding farewell to him and my sister-in-law. I had tears in my eyes and after my goodbyes, the moment I stepped in the house I could feel the emptiness and I cried the whole night. I could stay at the old place for a week, not more. At this point I can’t thank Abhinav enough that he came as a support I needed. He graciously let me live with him as long as I wanted to. Apparently he needed help, paying his bills :P. This bugger would never accept the fact, he helped me. When dad’s condition was getting bad he gave me really solid moral support. I had also shared my situation with Jason, Abraar, Kushal and Sayan. I received a good amount of moral support from each one of them, specially Jason. I use to tell him everything and he would just calm me down and talk me through it.

So when I shifted to Abhinav’s place all I had was 6 bags and a carton. My whole life was 6 bags and a carton. My office was a 2 hour bus ride one way and another 2 hours to come back. But I didn’t have any problems with this arrangement because this was the least of my problems. I literally use to live out of my bags and I wasn’t sure this arrangement would last long. I had some really amazing moments with Abhinav, I enjoyed our ups and downs and those little fights and leg pulling.

Well, my dad is still not in the best of his health, but he is doing better now. I visit my family more frequently now and yes call them regularly with a miss. I realised the value of health after seeing my dad. I went home after a month of joining Clootrack and stayed with him for a whole month and worked remotely, we visited few doctors and they said he is doing better. After coming back I realised I was not getting any time for myself so I shifted to a NestAway near my office. Although I feel I’ve gotten used to the agony, you never know what life has in store for you next.
It feels much better now, though.

I thank God for giving me strength and my friends and family for supporting me in a lot of different ways.

With Courage in my Heart,
And Faith over Head